Closing The Distance 101: ‘Hitting’

Posted on by Jonathan

If you think it has, trust me: it hasn’t.

I’m talking about that feeling of it finally ‘hitting you’. That moment when you know that you’ve done it, you’re flying over tomorrow/today/yesterday/a few days ago, and your new life with your other half is about to start. At last. If you think that’s hit yet, I’m just saying – it hasn’t.

This is not a Conor McGregor first round. (ha)

For one thing, there is no ‘it’. If you break it down a little, there are many things that are going to hit you, and they’ll all come at their own time. Let’s slam a quick list together:

  1. you’re finally together!
  2. you’re in a new country
  3. you left your country
  4. you left family and friends
  5. you have some adapting to do (country)
  6. you have some adapting to do (relationship)
  7. you don’t have to go back
  8. you’re not going back
  9. wait…. I’m not going back?
  10. 😀

I’m calling this series ‘Closing The Distance 101’ because, to put it simply, there isn’t one. You haven’t done this before! (probably.) At the start of my second week here, I can look back with a little hindsight and say I should have expected a few wobbly moments and even some genuine fear to hit at some points. But – I didn’t. There is no CTD 101. (until now, at least.)

My first real wobbly moment (WM? why not) happened while Tina and I were shopping for some food in Wegmans, and I wandered down the Christmas card aisle. I thought to myself that I should find a card to send to my Mum, and then in the space of several heartbeats went from ‘okay’ to ‘having some kind of emotional meltdown get me out of the aisle and possibly the shop pronto’. I really wasn’t good for the rest of the day after that. It certainly didn’t help that I was jet-lagged and tired, but it would have helped if I’d had some realistic expectations of how my first week would be.

My first week has been amazing. Just to be clear. Happy, happy, happy. And wobbly. And happy again.

Let me throw a few words out: amazing. intense. overwhelming. scary. joyous. secure. emotional. lonely. deliriously happy. sad. wonderful.

(If anyone is wondering about ‘lonely’, I’m not talking about Tina and I. It’s the feeling when you suddenly, wordlessly realise that all the comforting landmarks of home and the people that coloured your life back ‘home’ are all very far away. It’s like the ground dropping from under your feet. Hugs help with this.)

So my first week has been amazing. It’s had a few hard moments, sure, but those have been the exceptions. Have I mentioned that we went to see a stage version of ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ with Tina’s Mum? We did. It was brilliant. Realising that I was sitting in a theatre (theater?) in America next to Tina was just mind-blowing. Life is very, very good. It would, however, have been easier with a little forewarning… so:

CTD 101 protip: It will be everything you thought it would be. But do expect some left hooks to hit you, because they will, and it’ll be easier if you’re both prepared for it and you know what it means – which is to say, nothing. It means you made a big move and it’ll take a minute or two for that to process. Relax, roll with it, and keep moving forward.

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