Communication.
If there was one word that sums up what you need to make a long distance relationship work, that would be it. Communication is a huge factor in all ‘normal’ relationships (what shall we call them? short distance relationships? non online relationships? monolocational relationships?) and as a long distance couple you are deprived of certain massively important elements of it, most significantly touch and body language, the effect of losing which is a post in itself.
If your relationship is going to grow even while you’re apart then it’s a good idea to make use of as many other avenues as you can. Luckily we live in an age where technology is progressing at a rate even faster than the speed at which new Oreo flavours appear on the shelves, and while none of the methods this gives you will replace being physically together, they do help to make the separation feel a little less… well, separate. Let’s take a look at some of the most useful:
Skype. Probably the biggest factor in transforming even the possibility of long distance relationships, Skype (or Google Hangouts, Viber, etc) is one of those programs that you need to be very familiar with. It’s easy to use – just get an account, connect with your significant other’s account, hit video call and away you go – but there are a few features and workarounds that are worth learning about.
- The improvement curve. Skype steadily increases the quality of its calls over time, meaning that after 15 minutes or so your video quality will be better than it was at the start of the call, all other factors being equal (which they rarely are, but hey). So if you start up and everything is made of giant Lego squares, it might be worth sticking it out instead of hanging up and trying again.
- Application priority. Most people will see some improvement to the quality of their calls after changing the priority given to Skype from ‘Normal’ to ‘High’. This is a good explanation of how to go about it, though in Windows 10 you will also need to go to the ‘details’ tab in Task Manager. One thing to bear in mind is that this setting is not saved, so you will generally have to reset the priority every time you start up Skype.
- Disconnect/Reconnect. Sometimes your calls will go to hell for no particular reason – nobody else is on your wifi, the signal looks good, but you’ve both transformed into awkward cubist paintings. One workaround that helps with this more often than not is to hang up the call, both disconnect from and then reconnect to your local wifi, then try the call again.
Skype will get its own blog post soon, as there are many things to consider with how you approach your time on it. For now though, let’s move on to messaging.
Whatsapp. Whatsapp, or whichever messaging app you choose to employ, is on an equal and possibly greater importance level with Skype. It works on both Apple and Android smartphones and has all the bells and whistles you will need if you’re to get the most out of it, such as picture messaging and sending audio files, and most recently the ability to make an audio call using data connections (as opposed to a standard phone network signal). It’s likely that nobody reading this is unfamiliar with how to use a messaging application, but one thing worth mentioning is that it’s good to use as many of the non-text features as you conveniently can. One of the most important parts of a successful long distance relationship is the feeling of sharing in each other’s days, and this is easier to do with a combination of photos (Whatsapp has a built in camera for this very purpose), audio messages (for when a call isn’t practical but you want to hear each other’s voices), and of course the always expanding language of emoji.
Instagram. More of an option than a necessity, but the ubiquitous image sharing app can add a great deal of depth and of course fun to your online communication. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Expressing affection. Instagram has several of its own traditions springing up through the use of hashtags, notably #mancrushmonday and #womancrushwednesday, both of which are great ways to show your lover that you’re thinking of them. Of course you can always just throw up a picture whenever you feel like it – here’s one I posted this morning in honour of there only being three days left till Tina and I are together again.
- Making plans. One thing Instagram is full to bursting with is spectacular travel photos. Tagging your partner in shots of places you want to visit together, or memorable places you’ve already visited, is a great way to look to the future and share excitement or reminisce over previous visits.
- Sharing your story. Having your own personal accounts is great, but you can expand on those by having a shared account where you post pictures of your story – a selection of pictures from each visit, milestones in your journey, anything you can think of. Ours includes a picture of our visa petition package prior to posting, and a screen capture of when we saw that it had been accepted by USCIS.
Gmail. Or whichever email client you prefer. Email might seem like an obvious thing to mention, but it has a couple of uses that might not be immediately apparent. For example, Tina and I are separated not only by distance but also a relatively tame but still troublesome five hour time difference. This means there are times every day when one of us is sleeping and the other is awake, and in the absence of physically leaving a note for each other we use email as a digital replacement (turning off our email notification sound on our never-turned-off smartphones and leaving Whatsapp as a way to wake the other if we need to). It’s part of our routine to wake up to a few emails from each other – the importance of a routine will come up again in a future post.
YouTube. Following on from the idea of leaving notes for each other is the ever-useful YouTube. A quick 3-4 minute video can be uploaded in 5-20 minutes depending on video size and wifi speed, and making the video unlisted will mean that only those you share the link with will even know it exists. Simply email the link to your partner and when they wake up (or finish work and you’re asleep, or however your particular time difference separates you) they’ll have sole access to it. It’s a great way to share some of your day, your thoughts, or whatever you want without the limitations of text/image only messaging.
Fitocracy. If you’re a fitness inclined couple, aka ‘swolemates’, you might want to check out Fitocracy. Founded by the brilliantly named Dick Talens, Fitocracy is a sort of social network / gaming hybrid, where you log your workouts to score points from the site’s ever-present robot avatar. Sounds a little weird, but it can be a lot of fun, disturbingly addictive, and a great way to share in and support each other’s training.
Two big names, but only optional ones. Facebook is great for sharing with family and friends, and Twitter for the world at large, but when it comes to one-on-one communication as a couple there are better and more comprehensive tools available. Still, they are valuable resources for keeping in touch and well worth considering.
Hopefully this has sparked some ideas for how a little creativity can go a long way in opening up channels of communication between you and making sure you’re always a part of each other’s days. Doubtless more and more such channels will open up as technology brings the world closer together, so keeping in touch with new advances means better ways of keeping in touch with each other.
Long Distance Love Songs 